Race Report: The Rock and Road Marathon Relay

Percy Warner Park in October. Nothing like it.

So, as I've mentioned before, a group of us have taken to referring to ourselves as The Run Bitches. It's only fitting. I refer to myself and pretty much all my girlfriends as bitches (affectionately, of course) and I also refer to all other women that I don't like as bitches (offensively, of course). 

The Run Bitches officially started putting on clinics and schooling bitches back in Santa Rosa. 

What do Run Bitches do when they aren't schooling?

They fucking drink!

(Yes, we coordinate our outfits. This is our Run Bitches in Denim look.

What?)

And, it's not enough to go around schooling bitches separately. We wanted to school some bitches as a team. So we signed up for a local relay. The Rock and Road Marathon Relay. Aptly named because you run on the road, on the trails, and on the grass. 

 BOOM! Matching shirts!

Yes indeed (these two photos blatantly stolen from Elly Foster.

Elly, I'm sorry. I'm going to send you check at some point

for all these race photos I steal from you.)

The end. Haha. No, surprisingly, the shirts aren't the best part. 

So, the race. Essentially, all of the legs of the race suck:

The first leg (The Classic) was 8 miles and you had the joys of running up 9 mile hill and 3 mile hill. Eek. Not fun. Thanks Melissa! She pretty much killed this leg and schooled bitches left and right.

Bitches gonna get schooled.

The Second leg (The Admiral) was 8 miles on the trails. This was my leg and where I pretty much pissed away all the hard work that Melissa did on the first leg. WEAKEST LINK! Seriously, though, I was automatically tagged with this leg because of my trail "experience." But, what the bitches didn't realize was that my "experience" translates to lollygagging on the trails. Not fucking RACING the trails. Nonetheless, I ran as hard as I could.

And then I drank as hard as I could.

Being a Run Bitch ain't easy.

The Third leg (The Tennessean) was a 5 mile jaunt starting straight UP the backside of 3 mile hill, with some fun getting up to Luke Lea Heights and for shits and giggles some white trail shittiness. Coach nailed her leg and left a wake of schooled bitches.

 Run Bitch!

I love this picture. Coach is worried about her fucking time

and Cheryl's like, give me the goddamn ankle-home-arrest-thingy, I gots to go!

The Fourth leg (The Horseman. Seriously? Who the fuck came up with these names?) was 5 miles of running straight up the red trail for a bit over to the cross country course and then got to loop around in the grass to the finish line. Yay, for Cheryl and her Kenyan kick! If I'd had the 4th leg, I'd already been drunk as shit AND lost.

Again... Run Bitch!

And... time to celebrate.

Oh yeah.

That's bourbon in the cup and in the water bottle.

The Run Bitches take their running and their alcohol seriously.

Turns out the Run Bitches came in as the 3rd Female Team Overall! BOOM! It also turns out that the other women racers didn't really find our shirts funny... BUT the guys did. I swear every guy who saw me with the shirt on made a comment about it. THEY'RE FUNNY, people. It's not meant to be offensive or pompous or arrogant. I mean... we did school bitches, so there is that. 

Anyway, for our award we won homemade ashtrays* (that I forgot to take a picture of) and a pair of swiftwick socks! Boom!

Run Bitches are 1-0 and currently looking for other races to wear our shirts, run, and then get drunk at. If anyone knows of any good relays for 4-6 people, let us know!

*So, they aren't actually ashtrays. They are actually soap holders? Or business card holders? I dunno. They look cool, but mine's just kinda sitting on a shelf right now. WHO FUCKING CARES, WE SCHOOLED BITCHES AND WON!