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Thursday, September 30, 2010

How to...

...Properly taper before a 50k. Not to be confused with how to properly taper before running 2 marathons in 2 days.

The weekend before your 50k... get yourself into a car and drive 4 hours to Atlanta, GA. Where you stop at the world's busiest airport to pick up friend flying in. Assume that since it is the world's busiest airport, that it has an arrival waiting area. 15 loops around the arrivals section of Terminal South later... pick your friend up.

Proceed down I-85 for 30 minutes till you hit up Newnan, GA. Home of Lewis Grizzard and the hardest Hampton Inn in the world to find. Seriously... I felt like I was on an episode of Lost. I could see it, but couldn't figure out how to get to it. Check into the hotel, and immediately hit up the Ruby Tuesdays bar next door for some cheese fries and a large beer.

30 minutes later, go back to Hampton Inn, eat an Otis Spunkmeyer cookie while waiting for other friend to arrive. Immediately upon arrival go to dinner. Eat a sensible dinner. The most sensible food you will have for the entire weekend. After dinner, hit up the Publix for $90 worth of beer and snacks for 3 people. Hey! Tailgating works up an appetite, my friends.

The next morning, get up and wander down to the fitness center where you bang out 3 miserable miles on the treadmill. Then do 10 minutes worth of crunches and some tricep kickbacks. Feel like a rockstar, and head back to the room. Immediately after shower, head down to the lobby and consume a breakfast entirely comprised of carbs and sugar.

Hit I-85 South and make your way to Auburn, AL. Along the way, stop at a Zaxbys and get 40 chicken strips. Did I mention that tailgating works up an appetite?

Roll into Auburn and park next to friends at approximately 11:00am local time. Set up the tailgate area...
After knocking a few beers back, decide to leave tailgate area in order to tour the campus...
Sweat your ass off on your way back to the tailgate and immediately crack another beer.

8 beers and 4 games of cornhole later realize that we're tailgating right next to an acre field of cotton.
Drunkenly insist that your picture be taken in front of the cotton...
Continue drinking and having fun with your friends... maintaining the perfect buzz for the rest of the afternoon. But, of course. Drunken Pirate Amy is never too far away...

Also, insist of getting pictures of the tailgate to remember this day... and having them all turn out like shit...

Around 6pm, consume the last beer of the day, along with a good luck shot of some cheap ass vodka, load up the tailgate, change out of the stinky tshirt you've been wearing all day and head to the game.

Become a little disturbed by how damn friendly the Auburn fans are. Like, seriously... I'm all about southern hospitality... but this is a football game, not a charity event for babies with cancer. Where's the spirit? There's gotta be a happy medium between LSU Fans and Auburn Fans.

Take the annual picture of the 3 of us outside the stadium, (which I can't show you, because one friend hasn't uploaded his pics yet) and rush into the stadium in hopes of not missing the eagle flying around the stadium. Realize that the eagle is flying and rush over to the side and catch a quick glimpse of it. Very cool. Definitely cooler than a cock with a sticker on it, but not as cool as a real live freaking tiger on your campus. Point- LSU tigers.

Get into your seats and eagerly anticipate kickoff.
Spend the first half of the game completely and utterly thrilled. Feel the magic. Try to convince yourself that, yes... despite having a shitty QB, and a Defense that can't stop the run... gosh dammit, we might actually win a big game for once.

Spend the second half of the game cursing your QB and your Defense and chewing all your nails off. Spend the last 1:30 of the game trying to keep from throwing up because the fate of this football game is in the hands of a freshman. Which, you ultimately decide is better than being in the hands of your experienced fumbling QB's hands.

Feel your heart break for the billionth time when freshman QB throws an interception in the endzone. GAME OVER.

Try to muster up a smile for one last photo opportunity...
Make your way back to the car and head back Newnan, GA for the night. Grumbling and second guessing every play of the game for the hour ride.

The next morning wake up hangover free, but hungry. Head down to the free breakfast and consume more carbs and sugar and then head back to the room, where your other friend says... so, y'all ready to get lunch before I have to get back to the airport? Ummm...

Have a shitty brunch at O'Charleys (yes, they now serve brunch, apparently) and then drive to the Atlanta Airport in an monsoon. Speeding the whole way, so that your friend makes it in time. Drop him off at airport and make the 4 hour drive home.

Realize that you're going to have to spend the next week dieting so as not to be a tub o' lard for your 50k race. And as you drive through Chattanooga to get home... hope that you're happier next Saturday night, than you were this Saturday night.

Last minute preparations and comments on the Stumpjump tomorrow.

Read other Tour of the SEC Stadiums posts..

3 comments:

Tanya said...

Who gives a care, If the going gets tough?
And when it is rough, that's when the 'Cocks get going!!!!!

Meh. Whatever.
Things could be worse. I made a drunken bet ( for a case of wine. *sigh*) with a totally over-the-top Alabama fan that USC would win on the 9th.

Sorrow.

Beth said...

Agree 100%. Mike the Tiger is a badass. We saw him last Thanksgiving when we visited Scott's parents in BR. I love Mike.

Watched the game, threw the remote control across the room, medicated with Knob Creek, you know... typical 4Q shit. WTF is the deal with Cocks. I dread the ALA game. Dread it.

Good luck at Stump Jump, sister!!! Can't wait to read all about it :)

Jason said...

Good Luck at Stumpjump!