How to...

How to party prepare the week before you run back-2-back marathons.

Lesson # 1: Start the week prior to the marathons off in style with a round of tequila shots (approximately 30 minutes after stepping foot off the airplane). Followed by a pitcher of beer and $1 beers at a college bar where you could easily be mistaken for a middle-aged cougar. Go to another bar and close it down.
Lesson #2: Get in a trail run while extremely hungover. Also, pick a gorgeous place to run this trail run, to try and distract you from the fact that your head is pounding and all you want to do is puke and lie down instead of run/walk 6 miles. Also, freak out that it's the altitude and not your hangover that is causing you to be unable to run for more than 7 minutes straight and contemplate ways in which you can get out of running 2 marathons in a few days. Decide that there's no turning back now.
See a sign for a waterfall on trail run and try to cleverly convince running partner to take that route, so that you can rest for a bit.
Lesson #3: Start your diet for this week off right... by eating a cinnamon roll as big as your head for breakfast and eating nachos for dinner. Also, take in a minor league baseball game and drink lots of beers while playing... "would you?" with the crowd (The answer for me? always no).

Lesson #4: Get in your last run of the week on a long, hilly gravel road. Take in the beautiful Montana scenery and constantly keep your eyes on the road for snakes. Hear Vandy-Montana
mumble something about a dead one on the side of the road and throw up in your mouth a little.

Lesson #5: Go to a bar for lunch. Share a bottle of wine. Find out that you've been living under a beer rock for the past 10 years, when you see something called Pear-infused vodka behind the bar. Immediately order some. Then allow Vandy-Montana to "phone-a-friend" for our next drink order. 2 rounds of Long Island Iced Teas later...

Lesson #6: Go to the fair. Watch Vandy Montana eat things like deep fried jalapenos and deep fried meat on a stick. Also ice cream. Decide that a liquid diet is fine by me. (Regret that decision a few hours later when my head is in the toilet.)

Lesson #7: Act like a total city girl and ask for your picture to be taken in front of some hay bales at the fair. And then totally not remember that whole scene the next day when looking through your pics.
"Why did you take a picture of me in front of some hay?"
"Because you asked me to."
Lesson #8: While incredibly hammered go back stage for a pic with Rodney Atkins, before you make a complete fool of yourself at the concert by stumbling all over the place trying to get back to your seat after buying some beers. Hey. Carrying three beers is hard!

Lesson #9: Start getting sad drunk for no apparent reason (aka... because I've had 300 ozs of alcohol and barely any food) on the way home from fair, start crying. Have a friend like Vandy-Montana who saves the night by knowing exactly what I need:

A red beer of course!

Lesson #10: Immediately perk up at local bar. Engage in some kind of weird dice game that I never got the hang of that involved 4s and 6s and lots of dollar bills. Apparently... Vandy-Montana knew how to play.

Lesson #11: Engage in more shots. Look through pictures the next day and not remember taking this shot...
Lesson #12: Puke your guts out when you get home, so that you'll feel well for the drive to Missoula the next day.

Lesson #13: Realize that there's pretty much no way out of running two back to back marathons now that Vandy-Montana has been interviewed by a local paper about it. Shit. Go to bar, eat 3 pounds of burger and then nachos and a pitcher of beer.

Lesson #14: Spending all day hiking in Missoula 3 days before running 2 marathons is probably not the best idea. Good for acclimation, though probably. And totally justifies eating a french dip sandwich, onion rings, and milkshake for lunch.
Lesson #15: A bar that has a cover charge of 7 dollars and all you can drink draft beer is going to be AWESOME. It is also going to be a college bar. Beware of kids who look 17 saying that they are 25 and relentlessly hitting on you. Leave this totally awesome bar (even though you've essentially pre-paid for your beer) because kid won't leave you alone. Go to another bar where the bartender is hammered and pouring vodka all over the floor. Order the one and only round of Irish Car Bombs of the trip. Close the bar down.

Lesson #16: Eating a huge breakfast of pancakes, sausage, hash browns, eggs, and a biscuit is probably not the best idea 48 hours before marathons. Even the waitress will make the comment to Vandy-Montana... "her plate makes your plate look wimpy." Awesome.

Lesson #17: Playing a drinking game at Testy Festy will get you hammered. And make you look like the life of the party.


Lesson #18: Rocky Mountain Oysters are not good for carb-loading.

Lesson #19: Not only that, they're pretty freaking nasty.

Lesson #20: The rest of what happens at Testy Festy stays at Testy Festy. (Particularly if you can't really remember what happened).
Lesson 21: Wake up in a tent 24 hours before your marathon with a wicked hangover and realize: SHIT. I have to run 2 marathons in the next 48 hours. I've been existing on a diet of fried foods, cheese, and beer for the past week. Decide that your lucky pre-race meal of pizza will save the day. Go to bed early and pray that you're not going to die the next morning when you line up at starting line to run 26.2 miles.

Race Reports to come...