run, rest, eat, bitch, buy things, cross-train, blog, repeat.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Possible Outcome # 4

When I went through the possible outcomes for Sunday's race here on the blog last week... I failed to mention possible outcome #4: Bail on the marathon and just run the half. Which is what I did. LOLZ.

It was a weird thing. I was running fine. Doing the conservative thing... keeping it around 9:00 miles and feeling good. But, when I saw the 8 mile marker I had this sudden gut feeling of... "Ohhhhh shit! I have to run 18 MORE miles." I became a little terrified. It probably didn't help that I was just getting out of the HUGE hill on the course and so I was probably a little mentally exhausted from focusing on that, but yeah... I did not want to run 18 more miles.
 My reaction at the 8 mile marker.

It's such a different thing for me. And honestly, I'm not so sure it's a good thing. A couple of years ago, when I didn't care about being fast or running PRs... I would have kept going and not even considered bailing. So what if I had to slow down? Who cares if I decided to walk in the last few miles? I respected the marathon, but I wasn't scared of it. NOW, after a few training cycles under my belt, I am absolutely terrified of the marathon. And apparently, it doesn't matter if it's a goal race or just a training run.

In the end, I have no regrets about just running the half. The sun ended up popping out about 3 hours into the race and I was pretty happy not to be slogging it out in the hot sun.

But good lord, I have to say that I'm pretty freaked out about how whacked my head is. I am hoping that having a go at a good training cycle again and feeling prepared for the race again, will pull my head out of my ass when I decide to race a marathon. But for now... I've got a crippling anxiety of all things 26.2.

 My marathon attempts lately.

Anyway, there's an update for ya. I'll do an actual race report later this week!


Carina said...

Man, but at the same time, aren't you kind of glad you didn't dump your life into training for months only to end up with a hot and sunny race day? That's one bright side! Anything over 60 and sunny and I'm wishing I weren't running long.

Amy said...

Carina- ohhh no doubt!!! I went back and re-read my post and it sounds kinda sad/whiney. But, I am actually not upset at all at the outcome. Running the half was fine by me!

wesa121 said...

It is what it is... a day in your life, that you just happen to have registered to run 26.whatever miles. I am equally terrified of the Marathon. I am not worried one bit over a 30 mile trail race I'm doing on June 7. The Marathon I haven't even started training for in November, yeah, I'm already freaking out!

Ann said...

I seriously contemplated the EXACT same thing! It was hard to go right when that split came up! I was saying the exact same thing in my head!!! How in the heck can I finish this when I am not even halfway!?! What saved me was my family...they were waiting for me at the Doublewide grill and if I had gone left, they would not have seen me! Thank goodness for the location they choose! I saw them, cried, hugged and kissed them all and ran off to finish sobbing!! I decided I HAD to finish since I NEVER want to EVER have to train f or another!! HA. No marathon bug bite here! HA! I walked a lot but I FINISHED my one and only marathon! :-)

Amy said...

wesa- Good luck on your race June 7!

Ann- CONGRATS!!!! I'd give it a few more days before you write the marathon distance off completely. But, regardless, you should be very proud!

Gracie said...

Hey, if you have a crippling fear of the marathon - sounds like you're happier without it for now. So dropping down to the half makes sense. Give it a break and it might come back - or maybe not. I think you should just race the distances you enjoy - no reason to hate your races (except 5k. I hate 5ks but still do them because they are good practice).

Meredith said...

Two years ago I was going through the same thing. My head was all screwed up, mostly from "life", but also from having DNFed two Ironmans and a couple of marathons. I needed a break. I stopped being coached, stopped wearing a watch, stopped competing and just ran. I would set different goals for myself - run every day for a month, the 100 pushup challenge, whatever. I entered races for fun. And you know what? I got faster. I set PRs in the 5K, 10K, and half marathon before I got pregnant later that year. Take a break. Have some fun. Remember why you started running in the first place. Read the article by Lauren Fleschman in the new Runner's World. Not all running is about the marathon.

Thinking about you Amy.