Dinner, bitches!

Disclaimer: I am not a cook/chef/recipe writer or even a foodie.

I admit it. I'm one of those boring ass people who happily eats the same thing day in and day out. Seriously. Since July, I've had the same breakfast, lunch and dinner (although the TYPES of veggies rotate) every week day and usually one day on the weekend, too. I know. I'm fucking weird. Strangely enough, I'm still excited to go home for lunch everyday and eat that same lunch and I'm always craving my dinner every night even though its the same thing I've had for a bazillion days in a row.

Anyway... for whatever reason, I've decided that I'd like to dabble in trying out a few recipes that I see online. Ya know... just to throw a wrench in my OCD'd life and see if I survive. Hopefully this will turn into a weekly thing... but, it could also turn into a one time thing, because I kinda suck at cooking and generally am too lazy to make myself something that requires things like "ingredients."

I'm proud to report that my first attempt at this was a HUGE SUCCESS...

 Cosmic Cashew Kale and Chickpeas WITH Confetti Quinoa

Hells yeah, people, I took pictures!

Although, I suck at food photography, so please refer to the recipe

in the link above for GOOD pictures.

This was seriously delicious! One of the best things I've had in a long time and probably one of the best things I've ever made. If you're looking for something tasty and cheap to whip up, I recommend making it. Plus, it lasted me for 4 days. I will definitely be making this at least once a month or so and I would definitely force this recipe onto any friends that I might have over for dinner.

Cosmic Cashew Kale and Chickpeas.

For the legit recipe please go here. For my piece O' shit directions read on...

Number of servings: 4

First off, you need to know that the cashews need to be soaked for at least an hour, so start that shit before you actually want to eat.

Ingredients (I know it looks like a long list, but 2 of them are water!):

1/2 cup raw cashews

1/2 hot water

3/4 cup of water

1 clove garlic

1 teaspoon vegetable bouillon or broth power

1 large onion

1/2 red bell pepper

1 clove garlic, minced or pressed

1 1/2 cups chickpeas (or one 15 ounce can, rinsed and drained).

1 bunch kale, central stems removed and leaves thinly sliced (I actually used 2 bunches)

1 tsp dried oregano

Salt to taste

Fresh ground black pepper, to taste.

Instructions:

1. Soak the cashews for an hour in hot water or overnight in room-temperature water (yes, they sometimes turn a little purple-y on you. They're fine). Drain. Place them in your magic bullet that is totally awesome (or your blender) and add 3/4 cup of water, 1 clove of garlic, and the veggie bouillon or broth powder. Blend at highest speed until completely smooth. Set aside until needed.

2. Open your can of chickpeas and if you're as anal as I am, start to shell them. If you're not anal like me, then proceed directly onto the next task. I forgot that I hate those freaky skins on chickpeas and that I pop them out of their shells before I eat them, and so I waited till I was supposed to use the chickpeas in the recipe and ended up having to put the whole dish on hold while I painstakingly removed all those sonsabitches. Set aside.

2. Grab the largest/deepest non-stick skillet you have (and if you're me... it still won't be big enough and you'll be cursing your tiny ass skillet everytime you try to stir your shit), cook the onion until it begins to brown, about 5-7 minutes. Add the red bell pepper and garlic, and cook for another minute. Add the chickpeas, kale and two tablespoons of water (I actually had to add more water, even though my tiny ass skillet barely held more). Cover immediately and reduce heat to Medium. Realize that you don't actually have a cover for your tiny ass skillet, so grab a sheet pan to cover the skillet. Cook, stirring often and cussing everytime half of the damn recipe sloshes out of the tiny ass skillet when you start to stir. Cook and stir (and cuss) until kale is tender, about 5 minutes. Add water as necessary to get that shit to steam and cook down.

3. Once your kale is sufficiently not raw anymore, add the reserved cashew sauce, oregano, and salt and pepper. Cook and stir (CUSS!) until sauce thickens. If sauce becomes too thick, add a little water to thin. Serve over Confetti Quinoa (recipe follows). And because I eat it on EVERYTHING, add Braggs Liquid Aminos and Tapatio hot sauce on top, to taste. Also, serve on a bed of raw spinach, cause that's how I eat everything.

And, if you're at the bottom of your spinach container, just use it as your

bowl/plate, cause you're a classy broad.

Confetti Quinoa...

Again, see the above referenced recipe, or...

Make some quinoa and add some red bell peppers and green onions. DONE.