run, rest, eat, bitch, buy things, cross-train, blog, repeat.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Carmen Electra: 1, Amy: 0

Growing up, I didn't take dance lessons. I took gymnastics and then moved onto cheerleading and when I say cheerleading, I mean my parents paid a bunch of money for me to get outfitted in some cheesy little kids cheerleading uniform and then they paid a bunch more money for me to go to stupid competitions, etc... All this could be saved if they had just bought me that Vanderbilt Little Girl Cheerleading Uniform that I wanted when I was 5. Sigh.

Anyway... so, I didn't take dance and I just wasn't born with any natural rhythm. It's sad, really. Sure, I dance around my place all the time, but in public? That's reserved for when I'm really drunk at weddings. And... fyi, it's not a pretty sight. Think... Elaine's "Little Kicks" Dance Moves, except instead of the little kicks I kind of do a sort of peg leg/jump around on one leg move and then for whatever reason I incorporate a leprechaun/irish jig/pirate arm thing. Trust me, it's sick.

Last night, after my ab workout, I was scrolling around the OnDemand fitness and exercise tab and I found Carmen Electra's Strip Tease workout. I read the description and then scrolled around to look at some other workouts, but... I ended up going back to the Strip Tease workout and started it. Now, it's supposed to be like a 12 minute workout. She shows you each of the dance moves separately and then slowly incorporates them all together.

The first move... was a little tricky. I'm not going to lie, I had to rewind and re-try it about 4 times before I finally got it somewhat down pat. There's lots of hip shaking, booty thrusting, thigh slapping, and body rubbing. And by the 4th dance move... I was done. I mean... how are you supposed to pop your hip up, smush your boobs together, and stick your booty out all at the same time??? I've never given those strippers the credit they deserve. Those moves take some serious concentration and coordination.

I do have to say though... I didn't find this workout to be particularly taxing at all. I mean... I was no where near breaking a sweat and my heart rate was about as high as it would be if I were pacing around and talking on the telephone.

After I gave up on the strip tease for the day, I felt defeated. I decided that I would keep trying a little bit of the dance moves every day, until I could get them down pat. I realize, this could take all summer, but whatev. Well played, Carmen. You won this one... but I'll win one eventually.

Anyway, it was then that I noticed another Carmen Electra workout called... "InBdrm." I didn't really pay much attention to the title, but I went ahead and started it to see what it was all about. The "workout" starts and Carmen is on a bed. Weird start to a workout video, huh? And instead of her talking... you hear her in a voice-over... "Okay, let's begin. Start by getting down on all fours. That's right. Good. Now, lean forward on your elbows and stick your butt way up in the air."

That's when I sat down on my coffee table and paused the workout. I was torn. I didn't want to do the workout... but... I gotta admit... I was kind of curious where the rest of the workout was headed... I ended up turning it off. In the end, it was the voice-over that made me turn it off. I mean... that just made me feel like a total perv.

I did end up watching Dirty Dancing which was on tv last night, though... Some weird signs the universe is giving me.


maria k said...

i own 2 of carmen's workout videos. because - big suprise - an old boyfriend got them for me as a gift. awesome. but hey, she is in damn good shape so yeah, i use the videos

Spike said...

Dirty Dancing, unleashing an entire generation of 30+ old men sexing up 16 year-old girls. and yet every girl loves that non. crazy.