Okay, sorry… it’s just… as a citizen to a city… we don’t get to talk much, ya know? But, this is some serious business.
So, this memo specifically addresses those of you who live, work, drive thru, or frequent any places in the following areas: West End, 21st Ave, Wedgewood, and Blakemore between the times 6:15am-7:15am.
I have a few suggestions for you, that might make all our lives a little easier. My recent move into the area started out great, ya know. I thought we bonded in those first few weeks. I was out there everyday… you let me go with a friendly little wave in four way stops, and I always waved back. It was nice, it was neighborly. But, these last few weeks… this week in particular… things have gotten a little off course.
So, yes, I know, I know, I’ve given some of you the evil eye this week. And, yeah, I even gave one of you the ole emphatic point towards the walking guy on the crosswalk sign.. but dude, I had the walk sign, so you can’t just turn left on me.. basic rules of driving: if you have a green arrow, you can go, but if you just have a green light, then pedestrians totally have the right of way. Look it up.
Ok, sorry about that… I’m still a little worked up. But, it’s like this week, all neighborly gestures have gone by the wayside. Is it the holidays? Where’s your Christmas spirit, man?
So, here are a few suggestions to make our existence together in this great city more neighborly.
- If you’re walking somewhere, and waiting at an intersection. You have to hit the button on the crosswalk sign to get the walk sign. I know, it’s dumb. But for some reason, it doesn’t automatically just tell people when they can walk. You gotta push the button. So, when I run up to an intersection and you’re standing there waiting for the sign to change, I assume that you’ve already hit that button. But this week…. You haven’t! So, then I gotta figure out the traffic light pattern at a crazy intersection to know if I can go or not. Just push the button and make all our lives a little easier.
- Don’t go to restaurants that are closed. I mean, seriously. Why do two people need to pull into J. Alexanders this morning at 6:45??? They don’t serve breakfast. They don’t serve lunch till 11am. What is the deal? You almost hit me, you freak. And Wendys. Last time I checked Wendy’s doesn’t serve breakfast either. Ugggh.. You’re messing up my mojo making me have to stop at intersections I don’t normally have to stop at.
- If you’re waiting to turn right at a red light, and there is a car in front of you, don’t pull all the way up to the bumper of that car. I mean, jesus. It’s a crosswalk. Let the people walk.
- Furthermore, if you’re wanting to turn right and the light is red, then people in the crosswalk have the right away. Don’t try to turn and then get all pissed off at me for walking. Yeah, I’ll emphatically point at the crosswalk sign showing you the little white man. It’s my turn, bitch. Deal with it.
- If you’re running in a group, it’s fine to run 3 wide and take up the whole sidewalk. Until you encounter another runner. I mean, seriously, how big of a jerk are you that you can’t single file it for like 3 seconds when you encounter another runner approaching you? That’s just so lame and rude.
I know, this sounds a little mean and bossy, but… they are just simple and basic rules. I mean, literally, most of those regarding the crosswalks are like legitimate laws. If you just follow these simple guidelines we can all be a nice, big, happy, congested neighborhood. And I’ll cease with throwing out the evil eyes and the emphatic points at the crosswalk sign.