Ruts and Decisions

This post is really hard for me to write. I love running. I really do. It’s changed my life in so many positive ways that I hate to say anything negative about it but, lately, I’ve been finding myself wondering what it is about the Marathon that is so alluring. Especially, after you’ve already done one. It’s like been there, done that, bring me a new challenge. And, I do have a new challenge… to qualify for the Boston Marathon, which means shaving an hour off my previous Marathon time.

And, that goal isn’t going to be met on December 1, 2007. That goal likely won’t be met until maybe this time next year, honestly. It just takes time to complete that goal.

So, I think that fact, coupled with a few other issues makes me not really looking forward to running the Memphis Marathon.

Let’s break it down…

Why I’m not looking forward to Dec. 1 Marathon:

1. I’m not going to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Seriously. There is nothing short of an act of God (and lets be honest… doesn’t God have better things to do that day?) that will make me qualify. There is no way that I will just magically run 15-25 seconds per mile quicker than my training long runs on marathon day.

2. My training has been lax. I never got my 20 miles in. Yesterday I was just filled with the thoughts… uggghhh.. why do I want to run a marathon again over and over until I finally quit at 16.

3. I will be running alone. Which, frankly is something I have to get over at some point, I mean, April and I won’t be able to run every marathon together, but that coupled with this next point…

4. I can’t wear headphones. The marathon doesn’t allow it for liability issues. Remember how well my 1/2 marathon went without headphones a few months ago?

5. Guilt. Which, isn’t fair, but part of me feels a little guilty and sad that I’m running a marathon on December 1st, and April can’t even run at all. It’s amazing how much sharing training with someone can give you an added boost and while I gotta learn how to train and run marathons alone, it’s much harder.

6. My head just isn’t in a “running place” right now. My maintenance runs are great. I have no problems with those (which is a change from last time around), it’s just the long runs… I dread them. I’m in a rut, folks. And it sucks.

So, I’ve got some decisions to make… Do I…

1. Continue as planned and run the marathon? I know, that while my long runs haven’t been long enough, I feel like I am capable of running the marathon without causing injury.

2. Just run the half and look for a marathon in Jan/Feb to run so that I get some better long runs in?

3. Not run the race at all, but just take a little holiday long run break and then start back up Jan 1st training for another marathon?

At this point, I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do.