Run Bitches Half Marathon

I'm the bitch with the cartoon character hands.

The Run Bitches Half was initiated by Cheryl and Tanya who were looking for a January Half Marathon to complement their training for the Birmingham Marathon. At the time, I think they were hoping to RACE the distance, but as things happen... by the time the actual date rolled around... none of the bitches showed up on Saturday morning to race the distance (typical). But we were all there, donning our obnoxious shirts and strutting around like asshats. (Except for Melissa, who, despite the fact that she was running the Run Bitches Half, she somehow forgot to wear her Run Bitches shirt. W.T.F? Don't worry... we gave her a written notice that will go into her permanent RB file. What a bitch).

The race was free and open to anyone who has a fucking sense of humor isn't offended by the word "bitch." 

A word on that:

My philosophy is this... Bitch can be a malicious word. If I'm out at a bar and some random fuckwad comes up to me and calls me a Bitch (particularly [insert descriptive word] bitch {like dumb bitch, stupid bitch, ugly bitch, etc})... yes, I will be offended and probably kick them in the shins and then run away. But otherwise... I think it's funny and honestly, kind of empowering. I like the idea of a movement of Bitches in the sport of running. Women runners have a bit of reputation for being catty with each other (particularly those who run the same paces). I understand it: we want to win, we want to beat people. But, can't we use that angst and bitterness for fuel and leave it out on the course? We should look at it as a good thing. It's good to have other women out there to drive you and make you want to do better. We can be supportive and competitive all at the same time. Outside of the race we can have fun and joke around and all be cool bitches. Now, that doesn't mean I don't want to beat your bitch ass during the race, but it does mean that I can shake your hand and congratulate you after the race (and obviously, vow to run my workout next week a little harder). I want to be a tough ass bitch and not a catty lame ass. 

Can't we all just be fabulous?

So, in the spirit of that... The Run Bitches spent about $50 bucks and 3 hours of time and had about 30ish people show up to run a free, non-certified, non-marked half marathon. It was glorious!

Janky glitterfied sign? CHECK!

Water and Granola bars? CHECK!

Nasty Porta John at the Start/Finish? CHECK!

My agenda for the race was to run the entire thing at Marathon Pace. Which, should sound easy, at this point. But, I was pretty terrified. I couldn't sleep on Friday night and woke up Saturday morning about an hour before my alarm was scheduled. CHILL THE FUCK OUT, AMY. IT'S JUST A TEMPO RUN.

The start line and the bitches barking out some instructions.

The good news is that The KoB volunteered to pace me for the run and Steve was also there to kick my ass. YAY for tempo runs by committee!

The run started and it was easy to keep marathon pace. The start was downhill and then flat and I was cruising along with a fun group. 

Almost knocked down Elly, our kick ass photographer. Oops.

Also, please note that I am ahead of both The KoB and Steve in this pic. BOOM.

Our little group consisted of The KoB, Steve, Jeff, and Meredith (who I'd never ran with before) and it was fun. We joked and talked and I didn't really notice that the pace was challenging at all until around mile 6 or so.

Eventually, Meredith (who ended up winning the damn thing) took off and left me with the sonsabitches. I started to struggle a bit on the hills, but still managed to stick to marathon pace. Around mile 9 or so, the SOBs started running a wee bit faster than I was running and I let them go ahead by about 10/15 seconds and kept that distance between us. Until we hit the MONSTER HILL.

It's that beauty at mile 11. UGH.

I ran/walked up the hill (full disclosure: I've only ran up the whole thing ONCE and decided it wasn't worth it) and still managed to eek out a 9:27 mile for that mile. 

After that hill, I got visually confused by the course and started to surge a bit. I ran up to the SOBs and tried to push the pace a bit. And about a quarter of mile after this surge, I realized that I had surged BEFORE I meant to (two parts of the course always look the same to me) and I exclaimed FUCK! But, at that point.. I couldn't very well slow down. I just had to roll with it.

I kept at it and kept pushing and despite feeling like I was dying and running 12 minute miles for the last quarter of a mile, I ended up finishing the race with a 7:37 mile. BOOM.

Thankfully this is not an extreme close-up. 

I was exhausted and sweating like a fiend.
The KoB, however, looks like he just got back from a spa retreat.
Sonofabitch!

I nailed the tempo run and was THRILLED with it. I also was the second bitch to finish, so, that's kind of weird. Apparently no one else was racing the damn thing, either. Bitches.

Rehydration is KEY.

We stood around in the freezing cold, cheering for the other Bitches and SOBs as they finished.

Haggard bitch.

And awarded the winners with their BITCH WINE prizes.

Congrats Phil and Meredith!

The Inaugural Run Bitches Half was a huge success and there are already plans for a 10k this spring! Thanks to everyone who came out to run with us. I loved yelling RUN BITCH to everyone I saw.

Bitches love schooling.

After getting cleaned up and sobered up there was a little post-race get together at Mafiaoza's.

Bitches and SOBs clean up well.

A good day to be a bitch, I'd say.

Thanks to Tanya and Cheryl for being the race directors of this crazy race (aka doing all the work and paying for everything).

Thanks to Elly for taking photos that she made available to us for FREE.

And Thanks to everyone who came out and joined us. You're all bitches and sonsabitches to me!