Race Report: Beer Mile

Prior to the first posting of the Beer Mile on the Nashville Striders message board, I had never heard of a Beer Mile. How could I, at the wise age of 29, have gone this long in life without knowing of the beer mile? Especially when it includes two of my favorite things? I live a sheltered life, indeed.

So, when I checked out the website and realized that it was a race that included running and drinking beer, I knew I had to sign up.

Now, if you're not familiar with the beer mile, there are a shit ton of specifics. But what you basically need to know is this: The gun goes off... you pound a beer. You run 400 meters. You pound another beer. You run 400 meters. Repeat until you've ran a mile and drank 4 beers. The beers have their own set of rules... each beer has to be 12 oz, and have at least 5% alcohol. They cannot be pre-opened (as, the flatter they get, the easier they are to drink).

My beer of choice?

The King of Beers**, baby. I showed up at the race after a long day. (Hell, a long weekend, actually, but I'll spare you Saturday's list of activities). Sunday morning, I woke up at 5, ran 6 miles, played 18 holes of golf and just had enough time to change clothes and eat a little something before getting to the Beer Mile race at 2:45.

Upon arrival, I was saying... "oh shit" to myself. Looking around, all I saw was a sea of extremely in shape, fast-looking people. I immediately realized that I was going to get smoked at this race. I seriously had about 20 pounds on all the girls (and umm... all the guys, too, probably. ugh) I put my bib on, signed my waiver and got my beers lined up in my transition area. I was ready and frankly a little scared. If you know me... you know that an iron stomach, is not something that I have. And if you puke during the race, you not only suffer the effects of puking during a race (gross, painful, and humiliating), but you also have to run a penalty lap. Not good.

When the race started, I cracked open my bud and started chugging. I got it down pretty quick and started my first lap. I realized that I was the first girl done with the beer (yay!), but as soon as I realized that I got passed by a girl on the course (boo!). And so the beat down begins, I thought to myself.

But by the time I finished my second beer, some of the girls were having problems with their beers. And as I started my second lap running, I realized: Dude. I don't have to be able to run fast. I just have to be able to drink fast. And I can drink some beer. Fast. Chugging beers is something I've been doing for a long time... for much longer than I've been running. And I seriously don't know any girl that could drink me under the table***. By the time I chugged my 3rd beer, I was super confident. How could I have ever doubted my drinking ability? All that time in college that I spent doing keg stands, funneling... it was all finally paying off (I told you so, Mom. I knew it would one day). And the fact that I did have 20 pounds on these other girls helped me in the end.

The last lap, I gotta admit... I wasn't feeling spectacular, I asked for clarification on the puking rule... "can I puke once I finish?" I was assured that once I cross the finish line, I can do whatever I want. At that moment, I knew I was home free. I coasted to the finish line and ended up with a time of 12:25. And, I'm not sure whether or not to be proud or embarrassed... but, I wasn't even buzzed at the end of the race. I'll let you decide whether thats good or bad.

Dude. I FREAKING WON A RACE!!!!!!!!! I was the first overall female to cross the finish line. I was psyched! I may be a slow mofo on the track, but I can school some bitches at drinking. (My alma mater would be so proud, I'm considering submitting this feat to the alumni newsletter. Hey, I may not be getting married, having a baby, or getting an advanced degree, but by damn I just won a freaking race!).

Not only did I just get bragging rights (which for me... will last my entire life. I will now include "and I've been the first female finisher in a race before" everytime I introduce myself to someone), but I also got some sweet, sweet prizes. Check it out:

Small picture, I apologize. Let me take another few minutes to gloat and describe in detail everything that I won when I was the first overall female.

- $10 gift card to Fleet Feet Nashville
- Really cute tshirt with running shoes on the back that says, "reduce your carbon footprint."
- Cool black tech tee
- Tech socks
- Fancy Dancy Shoe laces
- Water Bottle
- Tons of Gu
- Some hammer gel
- A Fleet Feet Bag

I mean, thats a sick amount of free shit! All for winning a race. I could get used to this winning business.

The shitty thing is I had to leave about an hour or so after the race because I had to get back to my parents house to celebrate fathers day and my brothers birthday. So, it's not like I got all the attention like I deserved. Ugh. Of course, my family has to steal my thunder on my once-in-a-lifetime day. I was so excited though. I don't think I stopped smiling all afternoon (course, maybe that was just after effects of the beer... and the wine at dinner).

Big thanks to my fellow Bourbon Chase teammate, Bill (yeah, I'm pulling rank and saying that you're totally getting whatever legs you want for the relay) who organized the race and the people who volunteered. I'll be back next year. I've already booked a sub 12:00 finish for next year.

The only bad thing about the race? Now I crave beer after a run. Seriously, this morning, I actually pulled a beer out of the fridge after my run. I held it for about 10 seconds contemplating if it was really a good idea to drink a beer at 7am on a workday. I ended up putting it back, but I can't guarantee I'll have that resolve everyday. (I mean, in theory, shouldnt I have gotten sick of beer after pounding 4 in 12 minutes? Yeah, this could be a problem).

Anyway, a big thanks to the local running stores that donated the awesome prizes that I won because I was the overall female winner (in case you hadn't heard).
Fleet Feet
Acme Multi-Sports
Team Nashville

** Because it was the only canned 6 pack of beer that the gas station had that was 5% alcohol.
*** So, co-blogger, April (who, by the way, I believe is about to make a blogging comeback), could give me a fair fight, I know. But, in the end, I think I could take her.