Race Report: Rock and Road Marathon Relay

We will take any chance we get to 

wear our shirts and be obnoxious.

Trust.

For this second year of the Bitch Relay the bitches came into the race feeling a little weak. For one, there were just more all female teams this year and two, a couple of the bitches were feeling like they wouldn't be able run as well as they had last year. 

So, instead of strutting around cocky and whatnot, we kinda slinked around before the race, looking for tape to cover up the "Schooling" on the back of shirts.

"Bitches Since 2012"

Seemed fitting.

We outwardly decided that we would just have fun and not worry about our times.... but, I think internally, all the bitches were planning on doing some schooling in whatever way they could this year.

 Obvi.

Melissa Bitch started us out again and basically ran the same as she did last year. LIKE A BOSS. Then she proceeded to actually PUT the house arrest tracker on me FOR ME:

Run 8 miles on a hellacious course and then

BEND DOWN to put the tracker on me?

Now, that's bitch teamwork.

Last year, I ran my 8 mile trail section in 1:30. My goal for this year, was to beat that time. After the first 10 minutes or so, my heart rate finally settled down and I felt like I was able to run "fast." It felt like I was running 7:45s on the trails, but I was still getting passed by EVERYONE.

 Meanwhile, back at the bitch base:

I have no idea what the fuck was going on.

I kept pushing and running as hard as I could, while still being careful on the trails. To be fair, the trails were in GREAT shape. I ALMOST had fun out there.

I ended up finishing my leg in 1:24!!!!!

A 6 minute PR for an 8 mile leg!

And then I died. 

This is exactly how I felt.

I was thrilled to be done with my leg. I quickly changed clothes, took some shots of bourbon!!!! and was just fucking relieved to be done with racing for the day.

The KoB. Cheering.

Coach Bitch came flying down the hill and into the exchange with an AWESOME time. And she handed off to Cheryl while the rest of us made our way over to the finish line.

Bitches in transition.

Schooling, etc.

It was at this point that we realized we might be in contention for 3rd place again. We all anxiously awaited Cheryl's arrival to the finish line (and by anxiously awaited, I mean, we shoved wraps and cookies down our pie holes and bragged on ourselves). We saw her come in looking STRONG and we finished the race with almost the exact time we had last year!

Bitches be schooling.

Turns out not only did Cheryl have to run her ass off to finish, but she had to deal with another female team CUTTING the course and getting in front of her. Bitches don't take kindly to cheaters, so of course Cheryl plowed them over and secured the bitches a 3rd place win!!!!

Bitches 4Eva!

It was a fun day. The Sonsabitches came out to cheer and support us (thanks Jeff for taking photos!) and we surprised ourselves by kicking ass*.

*Why that was a surprise, I have no idea.

Race Report: The Rock and Road Marathon Relay

Percy Warner Park in October. Nothing like it.

So, as I've mentioned before, a group of us have taken to referring to ourselves as The Run Bitches. It's only fitting. I refer to myself and pretty much all my girlfriends as bitches (affectionately, of course) and I also refer to all other women that I don't like as bitches (offensively, of course). 

The Run Bitches officially started putting on clinics and schooling bitches back in Santa Rosa. 

What do Run Bitches do when they aren't schooling?

They fucking drink!

(Yes, we coordinate our outfits. This is our Run Bitches in Denim look.

What?)

And, it's not enough to go around schooling bitches separately. We wanted to school some bitches as a team. So we signed up for a local relay. The Rock and Road Marathon Relay. Aptly named because you run on the road, on the trails, and on the grass. 

 BOOM! Matching shirts!

Yes indeed (these two photos blatantly stolen from Elly Foster.

Elly, I'm sorry. I'm going to send you check at some point

for all these race photos I steal from you.)

The end. Haha. No, surprisingly, the shirts aren't the best part. 

So, the race. Essentially, all of the legs of the race suck:

The first leg (The Classic) was 8 miles and you had the joys of running up 9 mile hill and 3 mile hill. Eek. Not fun. Thanks Melissa! She pretty much killed this leg and schooled bitches left and right.

Bitches gonna get schooled.

The Second leg (The Admiral) was 8 miles on the trails. This was my leg and where I pretty much pissed away all the hard work that Melissa did on the first leg. WEAKEST LINK! Seriously, though, I was automatically tagged with this leg because of my trail "experience." But, what the bitches didn't realize was that my "experience" translates to lollygagging on the trails. Not fucking RACING the trails. Nonetheless, I ran as hard as I could.

And then I drank as hard as I could.

Being a Run Bitch ain't easy.

The Third leg (The Tennessean) was a 5 mile jaunt starting straight UP the backside of 3 mile hill, with some fun getting up to Luke Lea Heights and for shits and giggles some white trail shittiness. Coach nailed her leg and left a wake of schooled bitches.

 Run Bitch!

I love this picture. Coach is worried about her fucking time

and Cheryl's like, give me the goddamn ankle-home-arrest-thingy, I gots to go!

The Fourth leg (The Horseman. Seriously? Who the fuck came up with these names?) was 5 miles of running straight up the red trail for a bit over to the cross country course and then got to loop around in the grass to the finish line. Yay, for Cheryl and her Kenyan kick! If I'd had the 4th leg, I'd already been drunk as shit AND lost.

Again... Run Bitch!

And... time to celebrate.

Oh yeah.

That's bourbon in the cup and in the water bottle.

The Run Bitches take their running and their alcohol seriously.

Turns out the Run Bitches came in as the 3rd Female Team Overall! BOOM! It also turns out that the other women racers didn't really find our shirts funny... BUT the guys did. I swear every guy who saw me with the shirt on made a comment about it. THEY'RE FUNNY, people. It's not meant to be offensive or pompous or arrogant. I mean... we did school bitches, so there is that. 

Anyway, for our award we won homemade ashtrays* (that I forgot to take a picture of) and a pair of swiftwick socks! Boom!

Run Bitches are 1-0 and currently looking for other races to wear our shirts, run, and then get drunk at. If anyone knows of any good relays for 4-6 people, let us know!

*So, they aren't actually ashtrays. They are actually soap holders? Or business card holders? I dunno. They look cool, but mine's just kinda sitting on a shelf right now. WHO FUCKING CARES, WE SCHOOLED BITCHES AND WON!

The Bourbon Chase: The Finish (Part 7)

We left Woodford Reserve and made our way into Lexington. Turns out, I couldn't check into my hotel early, so a few of us hit up the downtown YMCA that was offering free showers to the runners. To be honest, I think it kinda turned out better. It was nice to be able to all take showers at the same time, and blow dry, dress, get ready all at the same time. We were in and out of there in an hour or so. It was also cool to meet some girls from some of the other teams.

We picked up the rest of our van and headed down to the Post Relay party to wait for our other van to get there.

Of course... there were Bourbon Beers to be had.

As we waited around, I started to walk around to find one of our other team members who had left the YMCA earlier to meet up with her husband. As I was doing so, I heard someone ask me... "Are you Amy?" I turned around and it was Meredith from This Runner's World and her husband, Dave!!!! I was thrilled and frankly, a little starstruck. I love her blog! We talked for a few minutes, and then I spotted the team member I was looking for and had to kinda interrupt the conversation. I was soooo hoping that I'd see her again, but I didn't. I immediately ran over to where the rest of our tent was to tell April that I'd met her!! So cool!

It wasn't long before I spotted some of our other team members, which meant that NashMash was making it's way to the finish line!

Anxiously awaiting the finish line run!

And then we spotted her and ran across the finish line (I was totally bringing up the rear... so hard to run in flipflops with a purse and no sports bra. Particularly when you're last runner is running in a like a freaking rock star).

We crossed the finish, turned in our time sheet, got our medals, had our picture taken and then we were done. It all happened so fast.

Afterwards, our van headed out for some dinner and the other van headed to hotels for showering.

It had been a long time since our last meal of pizza nearly 24 hours ago, so I was ready for some real food (plus, I learned my lesson last year with "drinking" my dinner. That wasn't going to happen this year).

Are you getting sick of seeing pictures of us in our kick ass blue shirts?

After dinner, a couple of our van-mates headed home and April and I headed to our hotel to finally check in. We made a pact that once we got there, all we would do is check in, call a cab and head back downtown. There would be no sitting on the bed and definitely no lying on the bed. We knew that would be the kiss of death.

So, we got to the hotel, called a cab and waited for almost an HOUR for it to come and get us. Ugh. Finally, we made it back downtown to the party and met up with everyone. It was decided to head to a bar not too far away and we made our way there. When we got there, we realized that about 5 team members were no longer with us. Turns out they had made their way back to the hotel. So there were just a few of us there to celebrate.

It got sloppy pretty fast, folks.

After hanging out at this bar for a little while, we lost a couple more teammates and a wife and then there were just 4 of us (and it was probably only like 9:30 pm at this point).

We headed to another bar where we met some guys from another relay team: Smell the Sock. They were really fun guys. We ended up talking to them for a good bit and they started telling us how they were the guys that kicked an opossom around in the middle of every exchange. I had no idea what they were talking about, but one of our team members, kept telling them that "yeah!!!" he remembered them. All the while turning to me and whispering... "I have no freaking clue what they're talking about." It was hilarious.

Team NashMash and Team Smell the Sock!

Eventually, we started asking about the opossum. Where was he? They told us he was back in the hotel room and asked us to walk them to their hotel and get him. A couple of us decided to go (the hotel was at the end of the block) so we headed over. Once we got to the hotel, they first took us to the indoor pool area. No idea what that was about and then we followed them into a ballroom and turns out there was a wedding reception going on! We chilled in there for a few minutes, reveling in the fact that we were officially wedding crashers and then got the hell out when people started looking at us funny.

Finally, we got up to their hotel room and there was the opossum! (Along with another teammate of theirs in bed trying to sleep). We grabbed the opossum and headed back to the bar. We kicked the opossum through the intersections of downtown Lexington the whole way back.

The opossum tucked into the guys jeans.

Eventually we left the bar with the intention of going to the hotel to wake up our other teammates and drag their asses out (we were drunk, afterall). Once we got to the hotel, we decided to wedding crash again, but this time, as soon as we walked in, we were spotted and told to get out. Ugh. We opted out of pissing our teammates off and headed down to the hotel bar instead, where we came upon another bride...

We stayed at the hotel bar for a couple of drinks and made our way to another bar, before calling it quits around 3am.



Not before taking some pictures, of course.

April and I grabbed a cab, and got to our hotel room where we crashed hard. I dont even think we changed out of our clothes, and I'm pretty sure April even fell asleep with her medal still on. Haha.

Surprisingly, the next day I wasn't too hungover, which is a good thing, since we had a long drive from Lexington back to Nashville ahead of us.

Overall, the relay was sooooo fun this year and the after party was insanely fun! I haven't had a fun night like that in ages!

I love my relay team and look forward to our relay next year (which isn't going to be the Bourbon Chase! We're moving onto a different one next year)!

We had a post relay party at my house this past weekend and it was awesome to get to catch up with everyone. I think this year.. year 2, we got even closer... people from both vans got to know each other a little better and we seemed like a more cohesive team. I did miss our teammates from last year who didn't make it, but they're still apart of NashMash and I'm confident that they'll run with us again!

Viva la NashMash!!!!

I love you guys!

Bourbon Chase: My Final Leg (Part 6)

My initial thoughts when taking off on this last leg, were to push, push, push. I only had to run 4.7 miles, I had actually gotten a couple hours of sleep, my stomach was in good shape, I should have been good to go.

The start of the leg was a bit of a downhill coming out of Four Roses. It was still dark outside and there was little to no shoulder for the first mile or so? (Again I forgot my freaking garmin, ugh). It wasn't so bad though, there was a little traffic on the road (mostly vans), but my main concern was the the "choo-chooing" I heard in the not to far off distance. I remembered driving over railroad tracks on the way to the distillery and I was about to be really freaking pissed if I got stopped by a train.

Luckily, when I arrived at the train tracks, there was no train in sight and honestly... I'm beginning to think I was hallucinating the choo-choo noise. But whatev.

Eventually, it was time to turn onto the highway again, where I was greeted by a wide shoulder and guard rail. I was also greeted by about 14 different dead animals. Including 2 skunks. One that REALLY stunk, and one that just smelled like the other roadkill (rotting flesh, anyone?) It was disgusting and I gagged a couple of times and was afraid I'd throw up. For those of you that don't know me... I don't have what you would call a stomach of steel.

Anyway, as I ran, I kept trying to pick it up. In my head, I was ready to go. I was ready to push, push, push and get this last leg done with. But my legs... haha. They were singing a different tune... they were singing to the tune of... you freaking idiot. What are you doing? So, despite my best efforts to push it, it just wasn't happening. So, I eventually just settled with the fastest my legs would take me and tried to enjoy the last leg of the Bourbon Chase. The sun started to come up and eventually, I was able to push my headlamp pretty high on my head and not use it to light my way, but just for oncoming traffic. (The headlamps always gave me a headache).

Eventually I hit the one mile to go marker and came into a little commercial area of town. I had to cross two streets, with cops sitting at both intersections, but not doing anything (ugh) and I made my way to the exchange. It was a weird exchange, in a school parking lot. I wasn't really sure where to go, but eventually I saw the cones and made me way there.

I handed off to April and was happy to be done with my running contribution to NashMash for the Bourbon Chase 2010.

We piled into the van, I got changed again and we headed off to the next exchange. Which just happened to be...

Oh yes. Wild Turkey. Home of my friend Jeff's favorite shot. Unfortunately it wasn't open, so I couldn't do a shot in his honor. BUT, they were serving hot cider and coffee and some delicious smores cookies with wild turkey in them! YUM! Best thing ever!

We walked around and took some pictures...

How many people get to ride a barrel turkey before their leg??

And here we are... sporting our best Homeless Chic look.

At the end of April's leg there was a really big hill, which was really sucky, because the next runner had to turn around and run right back up it. Ugh.

After the exchange, we again hopped in the van and headed to the next one. These legs we were definitely a lot quicker to get in the van and head out. No more cooling down. We were over that shit. We just wanted to sit down, change clothes and get this thing finished.

Now this next exchange... was a doozy.

Well pulled in and were greeted by a volunteer in the road. He gave us the scoop. Basically, we had to drive "a half mile" down the road and park in a grassy field and then walk back to the start. There were a TON of vans parked along that road though, and they were blocking the other vans to get through, as well the runners! Those poor runners had to fight their way through all the vans! It was awful! So, we decided to drop Matt off at the exchange and then drive the van down and park and I'd come back up to the exchange.

We did that and tried to dodge runners all the way to the parking lot. And dude... there is NO way that parking area was a half mile from the exchange. It was definitely a mile. I know, because as soon as we parked, I ran from the van to the exchange in my flip flops again.

Sheesh. Not cool. I was dreading telling our runner coming in that she had to walk all the way back to the van. We stood around and waited at the exchange...

I attempted a picture of the scene, but it doesn't really do it justice.

As we waited, a sheriff's car pulled up with its lights and sirens on. We had front row seats to the action. He got out of the car (blocking traffic) and approached the volunteer who had assisted us earlier. "who's in charge here?" he gruffily asked. The volunteered kinda pointed at another guy walking over. And then he started grumbling about how they weren't made aware of the number of vans that were going to be at that exchange, he wanted to know who was in charge of the whole thing, blah blah blah. And eventually he just got back in his car, with his lights and sirens on and left. Like, way to go... you really accomplished a lot there, grumpy mcgrumperson.

It was pretty hysterical.

Eventually, I started to make my way back down the street that our runner would be coming up. I was hoping to kind of run with her to let her know that she was almost done. I was sure that when she saw all the vans parked she'd think that was the exchange.. only to have to run another mile to the real exchange.

I spotted her and tried to keep up. Not an easy thing to do. I was clearly unable to, but in the meantime, I snapped an awesome pic of the exchange...

She informed us that she had seen another team member down at the van and he had told her that they'd drive the van up to the exchange and meet us. Thank god for that.

Another leg down!

A better picture of the wreck of intersections that was called an exchange.

The van picked us up and we headed to the next exchange. The next exchange was in a cute little town. We got out and walked around a bit, enjoyed the warming sun and watched runners come in.

Homeless chic transitioning to douche-bag chic.

It was a cute town, apparently there were shops giving out samples (which April snagged a few of) and there were a lot of teams there waiting for their runners.

We saw Matt come flying in and our next runner got ready for the hand-off.

And now it was time to drive to the exchange where our last runner in the van would be starting her leg.

There was a definite buzz at all the exchanges now. You could tell we were all excited about being close to being finished with our legs.



When our #5 runner handed off to #6 we were all excited to head to the next van exchange and hand off for the last time. These last few legs were beautiful. All in horse country with rolling hills. But we were all so focused at the task at hand, I'm not sure anyone really noticed much.

On this last drive to the exchange, we passed our runner and as we cheered her on, we could tell that she wasn't feeling all that hot... she didn't really smile or happily acknowledge us as we drove past, so we knew that she wasn't having a good run. We just hoped that she'd slow down and try to enjoy the run, instead of trying to kill herself out there.

And as we made our way to the exchange, I was reminded of my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, Woody. As we pulled up to his home, in some ways, I couldn't believe it had been a year and in other ways, it felt like it had been a lifetime. Woody had gotten me through some hard times last year (like south carolina's remaining football season) and he had been there for the good times (like beating UK in basketball and winning the college world series). I was excited to start a new chapter with him.

We got parked (parking was very limited here. This place was PACKED!) and noticed that the other NashMash van was right in front of us!

We took some group photos

I know, I know, the glasses! They are my driving glasses and they're the only ones I remembered to bring! I normally dont wear them in public. Total douche bag look. At least my teammate looks cool.

Some of the other van. Awww... the only bad thing about relays is not getting to hang out enough with the rest of the team!

So, we waited in the exchange for our last runner and when she came in, she didn't look good. She walked over to the side of the building and leaned against it and told us how she had to ask another van on the side of the road for some gatorade because she was feeling so weak and dehydrated. As we stood there, some guy walked past and asked her if she was feeling better and she thanked him for the gatorade. Haha. Kinda of random that we actually bumped into the team that helped her out! Yay for Bourbon Chase spirit!

Anyway, we walked back to the van, let her rest, while a few other members went in for the Woodford Tasting. I stayed at the van and attempted to clean and organize the inside.

This was taken the day before!

The hard part for us was over. It had been an unbelievebly fun year running our legs. Our van chemistry was awesome and we all had a blast.

Time to head to Lexington.